Tag Archives: mental-health

Another Successful; NO MEAT MONDAY!

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NO MEAT MONDAYYa know, I do not miss meat too much. I could handle not having meat more than one day a week. I might think about that and see what God guides me to do. I thought I would feel yucky or weak, but I don’t. My friends make fun of me and pick with me, because they have no interest in giving up meat, at all. But I just keep telling myself it is my resolution, not theirs. Actually, I am used to people picking with me about how I eat. Since I do not eat beef or pork in the first place. People usually think it is a religious thing, but it is not. It is a health thing. I feel bad when I eat meat. I just do not digest it well. Even now, it has been so long since I have eaten them now they really make me feel awful. I do not make Luis and Isaac suffer to bad though, every once in a while I make them some beef something. Just like the only day, Luis said he wanted some pulled pork sliders, so I might go ahead and make those for them. I will just have salad or something! 

 

I have started to listen to some teen upbringing faith-based CDs in my car now. I am also listening to what his counselor is saying, and I will be damned it is working. The past 2 days in this house have been so much better than normal. I have learned how to stop robbing Isaac of his consequences, and letting him see for himself what happens when poor decisions are made. I can not believe how good it feels to come home and my house is not trashed and the living room is not a mess. It is small things like that make me happy. I have learned how to use the saying ‘No Problem’ and walk away. I did that for the first time tonight and it felt so good! Of course, it got him curious as to wonder what that meant, but I do not explain. Just respond with ‘No Problem’…We shall see. I still have the homework assignment that the counselor gave me, I have to make a list of the household rules. Even the ones he breaks, so that should be fun! Not! The great thing is that his counselor is a believer and speaks about scripture with him. He talks to him and not at him, which is what the others have done. I am really hoping that this helps because he will be in the real world sooner than I know!

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On a brighter note, we have decided to get a puppy! I am so excited to get a puppy and begin training and get walking to the park again like I used to with Bo. It is to young yet, he cannot come home for 2 more weeks. But I am posting his picture just so everyone can see how gorgeous he is! A friend of mine at work has a neighbor friend that has them. Of course they are not pure bred puppies, but who says a baby in this house needs to be pure bred? We are all mixed in this house! I am going to go start shopping for him this week and get ready for him. And I will need to call the vet for an appointment to get his little jewels clipped off 😦 Sorry, not having any illegitimate children over here! But, we are all excited. I am sure I am more excited than the guys, but who cares 🙂 He is a cutie!

 

 

 

1.12.2014

Yesterday was a real light day on food, I have not been feeling 100% the past few days. I had some cereal for breakfast, then Luis bought me some Hawaiian bread and I had some coffee, and for dinner I made my ‘famous but not really’ mac and cheese 🙂 It is just ground turkey, diced onion, diced tomato, seasonings, and then make elbow noodles and Velveeta for the cheese with some milk to make it smooth. They liked it. Well, Luis and I liked it, Isaac has to complain of course because there was tomatoes in it. Boo-Hoo…Not sure when he started hating tomatoes but I suppose he has…I also had 2 sugar cookies that I forgot to take a picture of, oops.

 

 

 

 

1.13.2014Today I ate more, but I still did not feel any better. I think I feel worse actually, but I do not tell anyone, but Luis. I had some oatmeal and cinnamon apples for breakfast. This is quickly becoming my favorite breakfast item of all time! Since it was No Meat Monday, I had to make a different lunch. I had PB&J, cherry tomatoes, cookies, and a yogurt. But for dinner I started to experiment. I cut up onion, sweet potato, and carrot in a pan and cooked it. Then I added scrambled eggs and spinach and avocado at the end. It was super good! I sprinkled some shredded cheese on it, but honestly I did not even need to do that it was good without it.

I have not been to the gym in 2 days though and that is killing me. I literally feel fat when I do not go. I know I have not gained any weight, but I still feel like a big blob when I just sit on my rear. I have to make sure I go tomorrow, I can not allow my sugar to get out of whack because I want to be lazy!

Well…until next time…

Change is Good, Sometimes.

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Good morning. I figured I would post before I began my day, because it seems like it is going to be pretty busy.

Update on my ‘friend’. I am so careful not to call him a boyfriend or anything, because for two reasons. I am not in junior high anymore and I refuse to give my heart away to anyone less than the man God has perfected for me. I am still worried about the fact that he is not a Christian. Even though it took me 32 years to come to my senses. I know he can too, if he wants to. And that is one thing I need to make certain of before I begin to allow myself to have feelings. I do like him, and I have introduced him to Isaac – as my friend – and they get along great. But I want a man who will lead our family in the right direction. So, we shall see where that leads me.

Whenever I say ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ I am referring to Tish or Stephen Hughes. They are the only mom or dad I claim. So, today I started a new diet with my mom. She is doing Weight Watchers and while I am not financially secure enough to weight watchers, I am following her along on my own tracking system. I use My Fitness Pal, but have gotten off of it recently because of all my medical garbage with my diabetes I have been dealing with. But I started back this morning, and together we are going to lose the pounds. I was surprised when I weighed myself this morning, I gained back so much of the original weight I lost just a few months ago. I am pretty ticked off at myself about that, but I will drop it again and then some.

And an update in Isaac. He had a pretty rough week so far. He got some news from the school that set him off into a tailspin. I ended up having to leave work early to come be with him. I had to have the nurse call in emergency Valium for him to calm him and I had respite come in and sit with him finally because he got so angry. I used to be able to physically control his outbursts  but he is so big now I just can not do it by myself. After a few hours, he was okay and in his trance and went to sleep. When he woke up in the morning he did not remember a single thing, only that he was tired. I am so scared when he triggers. I pray that  they find a cure for this illness, and I know God will watch over him in the mean time. I was afraid it was going to throw him into a cycle, but it does not seem to have. I am so glad for that, I am not ready for that again.

Well, I need to go for now. I am going to get my toes done 🙂 I am supposed to get a pedicure monthly because of my diabetes. My mom got me a gift certificate for Christmas to go to the place she goes and we are going together this morning. I really am glad, I need it done.

Have a Great Day and God Bless

A Crush?

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Is a 36 year old woman supposed to have a crush, a crush that makes her feel like she is a high school student all over again? I am not sure if I am supposed to, but I do. OK, in all honesty, I have been chatting with a guy for a few days and he is really nice. So far. He has a job, stable, and has huge plans for his life. All of which I am not used to in a guy at all. I usually attract the dead beats. But he seems different. He has been honest with me and not side stepping around my insane amount of interrogations I have put him under so far, so that is a good thing at least. The issue I have is that he is not a Christian, he does not go to church. But, he said he wants to go. That to me is at least progress. At least he is not against God, because I think that would be a bit impossible to see past.

Knowing I had church this morning and that he had to work and I did not want to miss my personal time with God this morning we stayed up texting until midnight last night. We knew we would both be tired, but it did not seem to bother either of us. We enjoyed asking questions of each other back and forth getting to know each other better. I guess I just wonder if this is the calm before the storm? Things do not go this good, not for me. I am the girl who waits for the bad to happen, because I know it will. But, when we talked about that, he just tells me not to worry. As I am typing this up now, he is texting me from work. He is a server at a pretty snazzy seafood joint here in Dallas. He does not drink and does no drugs. He actually wants to go to school to become a counselor to help former addicts pick up their lives and get back on track. I like that he is intelligent and he can hold a conversation.

I will not tell Isaac about him yet, because it is entirely to soon and he does not need to know anything right now anyway. But he does not mind about me having kids at all and he says he is proud of me being a single parent for almost 14 years now. That is not usually the remarks I get about being a single mother. I have had conversations with plenty of men about dating, futures, and so on…but for some reason it is different when we chat. I guess I will see how things go. I am a little nervous though, but I will get over that sooner or later I am sure.

Well, an update on my walking is needed I would think. Bo and I went for a walk today and walked over a mile. We walked several times around the park and then extended it some to go around the neighborhood. He loves walking with  me, always has. He is excited to get back in the groove of things too. I know I feel better and my sugar is taming down; so that makes it all worth it. My doctor was super ticked about how I stopped walking, and how I am not taking my meds right…so I need to get back on track and fast.

Well, I have to go back to work tomorrow, so I am calling it a night.

Sore, Sore, Sore…

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So, since I was not able to finish my challenge yesterday I just knew I would be able to do it today. No, way! I got 11 minutes into it and was in so much pain in my legs I thought I was not even going to be able to walk home. What the heck! I was walking 4-5 miles a day just a few months ago! I am so disappointed in how I have let myself go over the past few months it is ridiculous! Not only did I not stretch before going out, I have not done any type of exercise in months since my diabetes has gotten seriously out of hand. I need to get my body used to working again, not working out, just working. So, instead of just giving up, I continued to press on and got through 11 whole minutes. I remember when I would take Bo to the park and we would walk for hours at a time, not to long ago. Diabetes is kicking my rear end and it is time for me to start kicking back. I will try again tomorrow, but stretch first and even if I just do 12 or 13 minutes…it is more than today. And every day I will improve, even if just a little.

When I was reading my devotional this morning I was stuck on a verse for a minute. It is in 2 Thes 2:8 and reads ‘And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord will consume with the breath of His mouth and destroy with the brightness of His coming’. If you compare ‘And then the lawless one will be revealed’ to the KJV it reads ‘And then shall that Wicked be revealed’. I think of that word ‘wicked’ and what it means to God. God saw wickedness in the beginning of Genesis in Chapter 6. He sees wickedness daily. I just pray that I am living a life that makes Him proud. Not sinless by any means, but I want to at least make Him proud. After reading that verse this morning my prayer was to make Him proud today, I hope I did.

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A friend of mine had a baby today, Evangeline Marie. Super excited to meet her since she has been on my prayer list for some time now. I saw only pictures on Facebook, but I am sure she will bring her to church. She is adorable in the pictures. And thankfully mom and her are doing fine.

Something that I have been happy to do the past 2 days is eat dinner with Isaac, together. We actually sat next to each other and ate dinner, at the same time. I told him tonight I liked eating dinner with him. He shook his head and said, ‘yeah me too’. To me that is success. It is something different and something, we never really do. Maybe there is something to change there. Making it a habit to eat together is not a problem at all.

My job is going wonderfully, I really enjoy my work. I can see so many untapped resources that they never use, that they could. There is so many uses that Access could benefit, but I do not even want to open that can of works! There is an IT guy that is for, not me. I just can not believe that it has not been made alot more automated. But I am getting there at my own station. Today I started building the Excel sheets for the month, once those are done I will do the Access DB and have at least my position in the company automated. Even  if it only helps me, that is okay with me.

I still work online, and writing will never stop for me I believe. I have orders come in at times so much I have to turn down work. But that is alright. I have never completely lost a client, they usually wait the extra day or two needed fr me to start their projects. I am only working on one right now, which is a relief.

Well, good night and God Bless. I have to get some work done and hit the sack for work in the morning.

 

A New Year huh?

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Well, I suppose Happy New Year announcement is in order here! It is the first day of a new year in which many thought would never come; no thanks to the Mayans. But since we made it and we have another term of 365 days to look forward to, I want to share with you what my plans are this year. There are two things I want to do this year; no matter what.

First; I want to read through my entire devotional. A wonderful woman gave me a daily devotional a few years ago and I always have intentions of just picking it up and starting, but I never do. It gives you a little of the bible to read every day and at the end of the year you have read the bible in its entirety. She has read it 11 times through! And me still not once, yet I say I am a Christian. Okay, let me rephrase that. I am a Christian, I just need to buckle down on my biblical reading. I did already read it today, if I can just wake up from all the ‘begots’ in Matthew I will be great! And I know I am not the only one who thinks the same thing either. But I do what to post a verse that stuck out to me today. It is Proverbs 1:7 ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction’.

Secondly; I want to take my health alot more seriously. Everyone knows I am diabetic and my sugar is completely out of control. Well, so is my dieting and exercise. I need to be more conscience of what goes into my body, literally. More water, less everything else. I am not saying I am going on a diet, because you never actually commit to a diet on New Years Day and carry it out full stream. I just commit to walking the dogs more, drinking more water, and eating better. I have to get my sugar under control. I do not want one of those pumps, and that is what I am facing if I do not take action.

So those are my long-term goals, here is one short-term goal. I want to complete this C25K app challenge. There is an app on Smartphones called C25K made by Huffman that claims no matter who you are within 9-12 weeks you can go from sitting on your couch to being able to actually run/jog a 5K. I would love to be able to do this. I am going to try at least. And anyone that wants to join me is more than welcome. I would love to hear about your experiences with it as well. Each day it tells me what I am supposed to do. Since today is Day 1, I am supposed to ‘take a brisk 5 minute walk, then alternate 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. It may not sound like alot, but when you are as overweight as I am, it is a huge task. But the great thing is, even if I try and fail. I can redo Day 1 again tomorrow. I do not move on to Day 2 until I have mastered Day 1. I will try to do this beginning today and see how far I get. I am praying I can do it all the way to the end, to the 5K!

Well, enough about me. I have a few things to do around the house before my day of a single mom actually begins.

I pray a prosperous, healthy, and happy New Year to you All.

Kristina

 

Not Sure…

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where this blog is going to go, but I need a sounding board right now and I find myself tapping at the keys of this laptop like it will really make a difference how hard I hit them. My stress level is at its breaking point and I need to vent. There is nothing wrong with that, God says He wants my stress and insecurities, so He can have them! Because all I have found myself doing all evening is praying and crying. And quite frankly I am done with it. I can say I am done with it, but in actuality I am not done with anything. I am in the middle of this never-ending circle of drama with this stupid diabetes! I could blame God for giving it to me. Seriously?! Not in this day and age I won’t.    I know He will never give me more than I can handle, but really I don’t want anymore.

When I heard that diabetes is a physical disease for me but a mental disease for everyone involved with me, I never understood it until recently. Because I have the medical aspects and the feelings that go along with it, but my friends can only ‘try to see’ what it is doing they can not feel it. So when I say I do not feel well, in their mind I just do not feel well. But in my mind my stomach is churning, I am sweating, I am flushed, feeling like I want to vomit, and so weak I want to just lay down and sleep. But I am afraid to sleep because if it is to high, it might just be the last time. I can not explain to anyone how it feels. I can actually feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest it scares me sometimes.

So when I saw my sugar starting to skyrocket I got scared. And now I am sitting here wondering what the heck I am supposed to do now. I found out that my sugar is so high because I am taking Tylenol or Advil for the pain I am having from working at Petco. I love working there and love training the animals, but going up and down the ladders and bending and reaching into the tanks, it is killing me. I have to take pain medicine every night to sleep through the pain. Well, the medicine is making my sugar spike. And since it has been so high for so long, they want to retest my pancreas to verify whether or not it is shutting down again. If I have to go through this treatment for my pancreas again, I just do not know what I will do. It is pitiful!

I guess I just do not have anything else to really say, I just had to get this off my chest. I am not good at holding things in, so much better at writing them out.

Good night, I am going to go read. I am reading The Christian Atheist and I am hooked to it! Such a good book. I recommend it.

Kristina