I am an addict. No, not to drugs or alcohol, but to the Internet and to FaceBook. I will admit it. I remember a sermon that Pastor Adam preached to Vertigo about addictions and how they can release themselves from their own addictions by asking God for help in those areas, by having their peers pray for them and just laying it at the feet of Jesus so He can handle them. He asked by a show of hands who was addicted to text messaging and a few hands went up. Who was addicted to the Internet and a few more. And then when he asked who was addicted to FaceBook; they pretty much all went up!
I used to tell myself that I was not addicted to it because I work on the Internet, so I must need it in a sense. Wrong. I have been praying to God for guidance in my life so much lately and so many things are being made clear to me. Of course, the Internet is a link to making money for me, but no one needs to work 24/7 which is what I was doing to myself. Through the course of this income tragedy I am going through my Internet at home has been disconnected. Now, I go to the library for the web. When in fact they shut if off I was in the middle of working on a job I just got hired for. I was frantic trying to figure out how I was going to finish it, then I thought a second and stopped. I began to pray. ‘God if you want me to work for this person, you will make it possible. You will make a way for me to have Internet.’ How selfish I was to do this. If He wanted me working, then it would not have been shut off in the first place, right?! Oh, how messed up I was.
I shut my computer down and thought about something else that someone said to me that made sense, now, but not then. ‘Anything that takes the Glory away from God will sooner or later be removed from your life the stronger you begin living a Christian lifestyle’. I will admit, I was on the web 24/7. I would wake up at 3am to check email! I know, sad right?! The more I was online, the less I prayed. The less time I spent with my Father. Once I realized what I had been doing, I began to repent and beg for His forgiveness. I have been such a hypocrite! Telling my STAR girls to focus on God and less on FB and texting. And here I am doing exactly what I tell them to watch out for. I am not saying that you should not have the Internet, heck as soon as I pay the bill mine will be back on! But I will have boundaries and self-control over it this time. Just like any other addiction, it has to be controlled and contained.
During my prayer time with God I asked Him why He did not make arrangements to get it paid somehow. I had been praying for financial help for months because I know I am close to my end of the rope on all my utilities. Things are going to start getting shut off. I was so offended and a bit angry when God told me to ‘stop lieing to everyone’! This made me see red to say the least. I do not lie to everyone. But when He put it in layman’s terms for me; I do. When people ask me how things are going, I say fine. When they are not. He told me He has placed several people in my path to help me, but I lie to them and tell them things are fine when they are absolutely not. So, rather than going back to every single person that asked me, I made a page where people can help me if they want to. If someone sees fit to help me and Isaac with a bill, they can donate the money there and it goes directly to my account to pay something off. I have a very hard time asking people for help; monetary or otherwise. So, I like that people can do it anonymously if they want to. Since I have done that, 3 people have helped us with a total of $170.00 which will pay half of my electric bill that is due to be shut off on June 5th. So, to those 3 people I say thank you for giving me the gift of lights 🙂
Funny how things work, when you are honest with not only yourself, but God and the people around you. I will get the hang of it sooner or later.
Thanks for reading and God Bless.