So, I am reading a book called The Christian Atheist and it has really made my walk with Jesus a total and complete upheaval! I am now second guessing everything I do, and how I do it. The biggest problem I am encountering right now is money. I do not have enough of it. And according to this book I am not supposed to worry about it. But I do not know how I am not supposed to worry about it when I have disconnect notices for the lights, gas, and now a late notice on the car. I am paying what I can, the bare minimum to keep things on. But I am getting over whelmed and well; my savings is gone. I was hoping to have the car paid off by now, but no such luck. So, how do I not worry about that? When I walk in the door and I wonder ‘are the lights still on, or did they cut the gas off today’? Not to mention the check engine light came on in the car yesterday!
I dive into my bible and try to pray and just talk to God for guidance to understand what is going on. And of course I know He knows what is going on, but there has got to be some kind of lesson here. Right? There is always something Jesus wants to teach me. I can say I have not fretted nearly as much as I would have BC. But still none the less I am worrying, to the point of giving myself headaches, raising sugar and just feeling almost depressed about it.
I am not used to trusting anyone, and even after God has answered so many prayers of mine already I feel almost guilty for not entrusting Him now. I feel like I am standing on the old saying ‘in money we trust’ instead of ‘in God we trust’ and I do not like it one single bit. God is working in my life, I know He is. Proving it every single day no less.
For example, here is one little thing God showed me this month.
My car broke down at Isaac’s school last week and I had it towed to my mechanics shop to have it fixed. After talking with my mechanic we decided it would cost about 125$ to fix the car and pay the tow. I had no money until the following week when I got paid. I had nothing else planned as to how I would pay for it. I basically had a heart to heart with God and told Him that in the bible it says He is my husband and Isaac’s father and since He stepped into those roles I expect Him to handle it. If I were married to an Earthly, Christian man I would expect him to handle it. I told God I was going to bed and let Him sort it out. I did lay down too and within an hour my brother who lives up north and whom I have not seen since I was a baby called me and told me he would send me the money via Western Union to fix my car!
Now, it is blessings like those that I look forward too. The Godly blessings, the ones that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that was God stirring the pot up a bit!
I really think it is those blessings that keep me so enthralled in the Christian faith. Because God keeps making himself known to me. And I love Him for it more and more every single day. I know all this will work itself out, but I just wish it would quickly. Once the car is paid off; we will be great! But until then, we might have to go without some things here. Just not sure lights are the right thing to let go since summer is coming and we will need air conditioning!