Before I received Christ as my savior, my attitude was negative, I was depressed, full of anger and resentment. Yet I never really knew why.
My life revolved around being alone, secluded and to myself all the time. I never let people into my life, and certainly not into my little world.
This disappointed me because I knew I was missing something. I saw that other people were happier than me and I could not understand it. I was struggling with depression, smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and even pushing my son further away from me before I received Christ.
I received Christ at an altar call in church service with Pastor Mangrum; I was very much like a child because I knew I wanted to receive Christ, but not sure if I did it the right way. So, just to make sure I actually did it again with Tish in the chairs after a service one morning a few weeks later!
I first heard about Christ on my 32nd birthday, thanks to my son. Isaac wanted to take me to church for my birthday present, and I had so many different emotions that day; confusion, awe, curiosity. Because I had never been to church before.
I struggled mainly with depression and rage right before I received Christ. I had so much confusion from my broken childhood and many collapsed relationships that I just felt useless, almost dead inside.
When I received Christ, the 2nd time, I was taught how to let go of so much anger. I was taught that God is standing there waiting to take my negative feelings and thoughts away for me and take them as His own, so that I could live happily. Once I did that it was not an immediate fix, but I could feel such a relief come off of me. So that I could focus on my relationship with God and not focus on my negative thoughts.
After I received Christ I was able to see the light at the end of tunnel. It did not appear as everything was so negative.
My life has changed so drastically, but I realize I am still a work in progress. I have been delivered from smoking after praying to God to take the urges from me. I have begun to repair my relationship with my son and show him what it is like to have a mother that loves him. I have begun taking better care of myself physically. I am exercising, eating better and dressing like I have self respect; because before I did not.
I am motivated quite simply put, by God. I know that everything I do is a reflection of who I am, which is a born again Christian and with that in mind I think before I do everything. Because I know people are watching me, and if nothing else I want them to see the greatness that God has done in me. I want to be a walking testimony for His love.