This is a movie that just came out yesterday and so today myself and 9 other women from our church went to go see it together. I made it a purpose to not read the reviews on it, not to watch the trailer, and to go in with an open mind. I literally knew nothing about the movie before sitting in that seat in theater 6 at AMC theater. I was thinking it was going t be a fun-filled evening with a bunch of Christ loving, like-minded women…well, I was partially right. I can not help bu think it was far from fun-filled though. Joking, and laughing in the theater; waiting for the movie to start and something stirred inside of me when it went black. I knew my life was going to change. I just knew it.
It starts off making me think that this girl is suicidal, sad, and has bad health issues that can not be explained; then the truth starts coming out from her ‘parents’. She is adopted, which was no big surprise. Until it was said she was adopted because she was an abortion that did not take! What?! I sat there, stiff in my seat. I had to replay what I heard. Her biological mother tried to abort her, it did not work. So she went back to the abortion clinic the next day and wanted to try the abortion again, only to find out she was in labor; in labor 24 weeks. She gave birth, not to one baby, but to two. A boy came first and lived for 4 months then died. Then the girl, Hannah, came and she survived. Both the babies were adopted and loved by a mother and a father. When the boy died, they had a burial for him, but never told her. That was where her emptiness and darkness was coming from. All of this trauma done to her so early, before she was able to fend for herself.
There were so many points in this movie that made me look at myself! Myself as a mother, as a parent, as a friend, and as a woman in general. When Hannah found her biological mother and her mother denied her to her face because she was afraid of what her current husband would think of her, I thought of myself. I have other children that I gave birth to when I was a teenager, I have not seen them since they were babies, three of them as a matter of fact, would I deny them? If they stood in front of me and said that they were my child, would I turn my back or would I embrace them? I do not know for sure. Would I be strong enough to even see them? I am not sure.
When she said she wonders if she should be dead and her brother should be alive, that hit home. I thought of my brother Tony. I found out recently he died in a boating accident and left behind a wife and kids. He was saved and made sure his family was too before he went home to be with the Lord. But, should he not still be here with them and I could take his place? Do I deserve life right now, knowing his kids do not have a dad?
And finally when she left the note for her mother saying that she forgave her. I immediately thought of my mother and the fact that she gave up on me. She threw me to the wolves literally, and watched me drowned. Could I possibly be that strong of a Christian to be able to forgive her? After so many things that I encountered because she was no mother to me. I endured homelessness, multiple rapes, beatings, over 70 foster homes, uncountable amount of schools, 3 pregnancies and 3 babies I never got to know, and a life time of hurt and hatred; because a mother gave up on her child. Could I ever leave her a note telling her I forgive her? Sure, I have said it in my mind, but will I ever be able to say it and mean it?
Col 3:13 reads – Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
But how many of us actually do this? To me this movie was more than a movie, it was a change in my attitude and a huge life lesson. I left the theater not in tears like many, but upset. As I drove closer to home I began praying hard. Harder for my friends that I love so much. Still harder for changes that are hard to accept. And harder yet for myself and allowing myself to get rid of the hatred and the guilt I feel. I did nothing wrong, and for whatever wrong my own mother did 35 years is long enough for holding her accountable and hating her for it. I sat in my car for a few moments in my driveway praying to God for the patience and love and understanding that Hannah must have had to be able to write that note to her mother.
I am ending this blog with such a lighter heart, knowing that in my heart I forgave a woman tonight that I thought I never would. I was convinced I would go to my grave hating the very woman who gave me life. But not anymore.
Thank you and God Bless.