Ranting? Not Tonight.

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Why should I anyway? Does it help? No. I have learned so much in the past few years. I have learned how to live my life. Not just for me, but for my son and with God’s love and guidance. I have never known the love of a father, the love of a mother, or even the true love of a man before. So I would sit around and wonder why I never had that. Was I not good enough for someone to love? Was I considered that repulsive to people who I was considered unlovable? That is why I am so thankful for God’s unending love for me. He has proven time after time that when I feel alone I can call His name and He is there, no matter what. He never fails me or Isaac. He has become the missing husband, missing parent, and missing father to my son. For that I will forever be thankful. I can finally sleep with peace in my heart at night because I have asked Jesus into my life and heart. I am done losing sleep over people who do not deserve it.

I am doing so well now it is like night and day in my life now. I am right now focusing on me and my health. For once I am focusing on me. Instead of me always focusing on someone else. I am walking every single day and watching what I am eating and drinking. And because of this I have already lost 12 pounds since January 1st. I am super excited about it actually and I feel great. Maybe 12 pounds is not alot to some people but to me it is everything. Every pound is a success story to me. I will continue to walk and get healthier. I am tracking my steps and today I have walked 4,239 today. My goal is 10,000 but right now this is good. I am just starting out.

I am still working online, harder than ever know. I have so much work and I am finally starting to see a light. But as soon as I do, another bill comes up. I will be so glad when the big ones get paid off, so I can actually pay my medical bills on time so I can stay on my medicine. I have to skip it sometimes because I know when I can get a refill. As it stands right now I do not have the medicine for my sugar for in the morning. But I did take my shot tonight so I should be okay. I plan on getting them on Tuesday when I get some money from oDesk. I just have to watch my food and drink intake for the next two days. And I need to monitor my sugar close. I do not want to be sick again, I hate it.

So, now that I have typed my hands sleepy, I have to go to bed. I took my sugar and now it is 141 which is okay. It could be lower, but it is good for now. I am loving this new me, the ‘me’ that cares instead of the ‘me’ who could really care less. I am going to bed a happy woman tonight, loving life and loving my family.

God Bless

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