Maybe My Expectations Are to High?

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So, I have been looking for my biological family for years upon years…With only finding pieces of the puzzle here and there. Last night I am sitting at the computer and decide to pick up my searches where I left off. To my surprise I found my biological mother, and 2 of my biological sisters on of all places FaceBook!

I sent my mother a friends request, she denied it. I sent my sister one too, no response from her. But I am quite certain she will deny it also. I sent my mother a message telling her I was not angry, spiteful or anything I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her. The message I got back ripped my heart to shreds. She told me that the only reason she was even answering my message is to let me know my brother had died in 2001 [so I guess I can stop looking for him]. Also that I chose the life I am leading, [I was a baby]! How can I chose for myself at such a young, impressionable and tender age??

I sent her a message back just letting her know I did not expect a Welcoming committee, conversation or even a hug. I just wanted to let her know I had been Saved in November 2009 and am living a wonderful life with my family now. I even signed it ‘Love; Kristina [Your daughter]’…I found myself apologizing for things I had no control over! Still I sit here; almost 12 hours later and no response from her.

So to wrap it all up and end this tragedy I call my ‘biological family’ this is the outcome. My father died in or around 1980. My mother is alive and openly wants nothing to do with me. My aunts on my father’s side; acknowledge me but advised me that ‘they have no intentions on keeping in contact with me’. Both sets of grandparents on both sides are dead. I have 2 biological sisters of which neither will speak to me. I have one biological brother that is dead as of 2001. And lastly I have one 1/2 brother [same father, different mother] that vowed we should keep in touch and I have not heard a word from him in several months.

I owe my existence to my mother and father; but I owe the life I lead to God. And after praying last night and this morning; I realized something. I do not need to feel indebted to my mother for a single thing. I did nothing wrong here and I will not allow her to control my mindset or my feelings any longer. I am done looking for biological family, I have found the only family I need in the four walls and under the roof of God’s Home.

Good Bye; Mother I will forever pray for you; but will cry over you no more.

God Bless; Kristina

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One response »

  1. You have family that want you, and consider themselves blessed to have you in their lives! I made not be a “blood” relation, but my children are your nieces and we are proud to call you family. I truly believe it was no mistake we met. I’m so thankful we did!

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